Thursday, December 30, 2004
Snow has already fallen
The year coming to an end
Time is ever changing
So is you, me and everything
Deep in my heart
Im trully grateful
In knowing friends
With such big hearts
We may not often meet
We may sometimes forget
But fond memories in my mind, it is set
Like the sun, the star, the moon up there
Im not always seen
But Im always there =)
My very own poem...
smoke on the water.
9:37 PM
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
guess what happen a few days back... i was at the SP Co-operative Rip off shop *SP Co-op shop* and well i didnt buy anything...however my girl and guy friend bought something... the guy was still inside and me and the girl was outside...i was playing around with my coins when 10cent and 20cent coin dropped onto the floor...i wanted to pick it up but instead end up wrestling with the girl for the coins... i managed to get the 10cent coin but she managed to get the 2ocent coin..
and of course i asked from her back nicely mind you =P .. and well she did the unthinkable..she put the coin into her cleavage!! of course i was shocked!! and well i did got back the coin after begging..LOL and hahaha im not gonna use the coin or what so ever..instead im gonna keep it with me forever hopefully =D hahaha what is happening to the world ;)
smoke on the water.
11:32 PM
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
ah, its 12 midnight and im doing my blog.... i want to do my Process Control assignment but its abit hard because i cant really focus and not enough solid information...so yeah here i am blogging =P... trying to vent out my emotions, keep in check with the real world and stay sane as they say...oh well it works on me most of the time...
but i can safely say, my emotions has been under control and well fortunately it seems to me its going to get better...i guess i am changing, being more "matured" as one would have say and well knowing that the whole world doesnt revolve around me and that i have to get a grip of myself..lol it worked..its not that i dont feel any sort of emotion...just that i learned from EIC lessons, you need to identify that emotion and control it...there is no good or bad emotions, just how you react to it..
but sometimes i got to admit, this past few days..my mind has been playing tricks on me...i dont know but its like its happening to me again...hahaha, all part and parcel of growing up i guess...though i feel like venturing deeper with this emotion, this feeling...but must calculate the risk out...yeah must do that
smoke on the water.
11:55 PM
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Boxcar racer, I feel so ...how i feel at times
Sometimes
I wish I was brave
I wish I was stronger
I wish I could feel no pain
I wish I was young
I wish I was shy
I wish I was honest
I wish I was you not I
'Cause
I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callous
So lost, confused again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over
Sometimes
I wish I was smart
I wish I made cures for
How people are
I wish I had power
I wish I could lead
I wish I could change the world
For you and me
'Cause
I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callous
So lost, confused again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over
'Cause
I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callous
So lost, confused again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over
I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callous
So lost, confused again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over
smoke on the water.
11:55 PM
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Currently im learing EIC, Effective Interpersonal Communication in school and well its basically about emotions..something that scientist explain using chemicals and hormones being produced in the body and reacting...as much as i hate to say this, i believed its more than that..what is that which makes you feel sooo like that.. i thought i was in control...hahaha i have no idea whether i am in control with my emotions..
its not basic 1+1=2 .. its more of interpreting what and how you feel and find a reasonable explanation for it..its like deciphering complex number sequence where logics are just rules..like now, i dont know how to actually describe my feelings...the fact that i know the feeling is there but not knowing what it really means is killing me man.. argh im torturing myself with this..but why? cant i find a button where i just switch it on and off as and when i like? doubt so =)
well i guess i shouldnt think about it, just get a GRIP OF MYSELF MAN.. *slaps self* i need to get distracted with stuff...though doubt it will work.. hahaha i wish i can read ppl's mind and stuff..it definetely makes my life easier.. how i should act or react is dependant on how others will react ..i guess this is where god comes into play.. well maybe we all should just do what we think is best and let the outcome just role out..though i myself dont know what is best.. for me, for them..bah it was never simple
smoke on the water.
10:47 PM
Sunday, December 12, 2004
Ok, lets talk about me and my over-reacting... some ppl, no most ppl do seem to see that i tend to over-react to certain things.. as much as im laid back, cool and calm most of the time i have to admit, i do over-react during certain situations..
why is that? hmmmmm i believe its my mindset and way of thinking and reasoning... and the fact that i tend to over do it on the thinking and reasoning part =)lets give an example for my way of thinking and reasoning.. I wanna buy a 120mm DC fan.. oh simple aint it? ah but nooo it isnt..i dont buy on impulse so i use factors like looks, price, brand to reach into a buying solution..of course there are also other models of fans to look into.. so you may say, i found the right fan but the price isnt right..but that price is right but its not the right fan..should i compromise?? and since there are other shops, you go around looking around even more, and find even more fans and even more prices.. in the end what happend? you end up with soo much possibilities that it just make my head hurts..i mean its only natural for me to see all possibible possibilities i can choose right?
that is how my mind works.. now apply it to my over reacting... let say, i send a wrong sms to a girl A and the msg may contain something that maybe insulting to her.. she doesnt reply.. ah first thing that goes in my mind? she is angry with me that why never reply back.. maybe she isnt, that why never reply, maybe she hate me in the first place and choose to ignore me..etc etc hell i can come up with alot possibilities... then being the NICE AND SWEET guy that i am... after the sms incident, im sure to sms her with an apology.. irregardless of what i think..ah after that, what if she didnt reply? she really hates me? still angry wont forgive me? she accepts my apology but see no reason to reply? that is when i call to apologize.. ah but what if, she didnt pick it up or she did but with an annoyed tone??
LOL its all with the " what if " if if if, 3/4 of the crap i just mentioned above may not even happen in 50 years time..to me, how i decide on something is dependent on what the outcome maybe.. i analyze every single thing closely and see.. i like to look at every single details, down to the tone of voice, languaged, eye contact and words.. hehehe yes im nuts im weird..but hey im alive and well and that is the most impt thing =P
smoke on the water.
12:45 AM
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Talking to chweng now about my love life.. hahaha yeah, you must be asking..i have one? hahaha no i dont have..but well im going 20 really soon..sooo yeah ;) aaah girls..they can drive me up the wall man...especially those i like .. who? i wont tell =) figure it out yourself ah =P honestly? i will take this time to open up so as to prevent myself from going insane..
yes ppl would say , wah this firdaus guy quite an emo..i mean, who isnt? just that i dont go all crazy about it..i just write it down..ok right now im still single and im still not looking for one.. why? dont ask me why..my heads is really confuse now... i mean, i have no idea what im thinking about right now.. BEFORE I PROCEED ANY FURTHER.. yes GRACE im fine..thank you for asking =) its like, given a choice of A, B or C.. i dont know which one to choose..soo lost, soo ever lost in my own mind..not knowing what to do, what to think..i always try to avoid the problem altogether by not thinking about it at all..
it works at times..but you know, ppl ask qns, ppl bring up stuff..and lol you get the idea. my head now is like a cpu that is churning out number for Pi which is 3.14xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx... the number is like infinite man.. attraction is an illogical process to which i agree...its more like impulses and stuff..something i lack in this area =) i tend to process more and more into logical reasoning and all..which i believe wont really work..hahaha.. like a car going no where..that is how i feel. i have no idea what to do .. the guy who always gave good sound advices to ppl dont know what to do.. hahahaha what an outcome
smoke on the water.
11:39 PM
