Tuesday, October 26, 2004
War has begun
As I blog...the clock ticks nearer to yet another campaign of exams and papers where students test their guts and minds to a series of questions that adds up to a total of 100 marks..like it or not, you screw this up, you are screwed =) and here I am blogging...im sicked of doing past year papers..no longer has that motivation to do so..why? I have no idea..but i need to rest and start my day fresh later..i hoped i can stay focus tomorrow...i havent been myself lately in a sense i have gotten alot of distractions..which is no good but still..to err is but human eh? so yeah i guess it is normal...
that was how Lance Amstrong won his 6th TOur De France...distractions..maybe i can used it to my advantage..hehehehe..SUn Tzu eat your heart out!.. anyway October is ending and November is gonna come...sighed, time really flies like a bullet..whether you are having fun or not...as the days goes by, i feel incomplete...its like there is something i have yet to achieve..but yet im not yet ready? maybe its just my mind AGAIN.. think too much firdaus!! stop iT!. .oh yeah, Phyllis msg me about being an extra in her "shoot".. hahaha unfortunately, i got a paper! though i dont mind the 10 bucks...just act dumb or what ah...
oh well...i guess i better hit the sack..a long battle waits ahead =) 3 hours of Quality Assurance and Statistic can even make Donald Trump whimper!!
as they say, let the MG42s roar, the 88s sing and the Panzers roll over!!
smoke on the water.
3:38 PM
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Old feelings....
Old feelings, they die hard
Either that, or they dont die at all
Its like a wound that never really heals
Opening up from time to time
Tearing, piercing and all so stabbing
Why am I tormented?
By such a beautiful process
Knowing Im alive, well and kicking
Knowing life is sad, sweet and all so complete
You came into my life
Im sorry but I tried to laugh about it
But I just cant do it
I cant live in a lie
Doubt anything is going to change
What that is deep in my heart
That feeling I had
People say that feelings may fade
Feelings may even die
Hopefully? it dont and stay with me
Firdaus man
smoke on the water.
8:33 AM
its around 4.15 am now...just ate chicken rice..mom ask me whether i wanted to eat my bro's left over...the garbage man but not tonight urmm tomorning i guess..hahaha..if i eat too much, i cant sleep...just now, grace was like " firdaus are you ok? if you need to talk, im here... " hahahaha..all because she read my blog about me reaching 20 soon..hmmm has Firdaus man been acting all weird ?
ok lately, there just have been alot of stuff in my head and well i blog so that i can just let go...i tell you honestly, its harder for me to focus when it comes to studying..i guess the fact that, i wanna slack! is really killing me!! cant help it... Prelim, Os, 3mths jc, work for 1 mth and poly life ... the gaps for breaks and holiday are pretty much vague man...its taking a toll on me...physically and mentally! especially mentally..either that or im just exaggerating everything that is happening now because im fasting..bah! i guess its both..i cant be really lying to myself about this can i? i mean going insane for me is possible with the things happening around me...
lol, this is life man...*my pc making funny noises again* which brings me to my next thing though i cant really relate it together... its about not quitting and about moving on with life..its a really thin line im walking here..seriously? i have no idea which zone i am in...as much as i wanna move on, i dont want to quit! i mean quitting isnt my cup of tea.must be persistent they say...but then again, i mustnt sound like a guy who need help..im only 19 they say, still a long way ahead...dont boggle yourself down with it... ----------> either way, easier said then done..god why is this happening..its like a repeating cycle i cant stop...there must be a reason for this...there must be cos its driving me nuts at times!!
smoke on the water.
7:29 AM
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
lol its 4.36 am in the morning and i just ate...honestly i cant really eat that much...my stomach wont take it...anyway i manage to read syahmi's blog...and this reminded to me write mine...ok well let see, now exams are coming, its fasting month, Hari Raya is coming and so is the end of the year 2004...soon i be 20..20 man! what did i achieve?? i mean reaching 20 means 1 thing, im no longer a teenager any more...i cant be really called a boy..
blah, i dont have a gf, i dont do clubbing, i dont really fond of going to "town" or anywhere else for that fact to just do nothing...basically im what most teenagers would find boring...however im fine and happy with it...its just the way i am..but am i really wasting my youth away? alot of kids have been pestering me to get a girl, go out more and explore Singapore and stop being boring...hahaha..im a simple man and sometimes need not really have all of this...yes its pressurizing sometimes to change for my friends, but i guess i can be stubborn at times =P
i always try to live my life like its my life...meaningful and happy..yet im still bound by this aura that, hey dont worry, im only going 20, still a long way to go so i can take it easy...yesh sometimes i do feel like hugging and at times, hug that special someone...but it isnt just me to do so...im not really the sort of person to show that much affection..and i do feel like partying like there is no tomorrow or slack like im King at times too..but again, it isnt just me to do so...maybe i need more time..just abit more time and maybe by then, God would have shown me the way and well maybe i develop deeper..
basically this blog is not targetted at a subject or topic..its pretty much general about my life and its to be =)
i guess i can end it with a great quote by General Maximus of the movie GLadiator..."what we do in life, echoes in eternity" what it really mean, its really up to you to decide..peace on..
smoke on the water.
10:10 AM
Monday, October 11, 2004
She is standing there
And yet you kept quiet
All stoned and all shy
What in the hell is wrong with you
Just say hi, hello or hey
It is simple
Now you complaint
About how she is so cute
And how you thought you got over her
And how you thought wrong
Now there is another girl
Who said she likes you
Lol and you are in turmoil
Because you dont know who to choose
I dont know the girl
Cos you refuse to tell
It dont matter, in time i will
This is no poem
This is no joke
Im just doing this
Cos im bored and it's for you
LOL you are screwed up cos you think you are..
smoke on the water.
10:17 PM
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
hmmm as we blog, my pc is uploading some comedy show to my friend via msn...177mb, nuts! i guess i wont switch off my pc tonight eh? hahaha..anyway today 3 of my friends asked me about my msn nick...it says, " she defines me..so she says" so i had to explain what it means...well it is basically what my friend say that this girl defines me... after careful explanation, they begin digging deeper into my life, so call love life..
hahaha didnt know my love life is that exciting man...i mean bah its not a soap opera, its not a romance novel, its not a scandalous movie...no it isnt, its just like any other normal guy's life..assuming im normal =) ok its either 3 things...god is trying to tell me something or all of my friend somehow got together and decided to play a big joke on me or it could be all coincidence ...cos my friends cant seem to stop bugging me about relationship...we support you lah, dont give up lah, go get her lah, why dont want to get a gf lah...alamak ppl..
you people are not even my parents and even they dont make noise!! i cant really answer why im not in a relationship...maybe im scared of commitments, maybe im just plain lazy, maybe i just wanna it to be right...god knows...it feels no i dont want it cos of me being me =) and yes there is the yes i want it cos of ppl around me! so now mix it up and what do you get? i have no idea...you people are really making me confuse man....the Force is strong in me, but i still can crack...sooner or later...hopefully it be over by then, hehehe ...
whether i like that girl , whether i still like her, whether i wanna make a move on her...that i let it be...i just let my life unfold day by day and see how it goes..its like throwing a paper plane out of a window..not knowing where it gonna land or even if it can fly well in the first place... so yeah, relax lah...if i need encouragement about girls... i will ask them from you people..as for now, lol its pressurizing!!!
smoke on the water.
12:06 AM
